"Where People Like Me Learn Not to Lie
June 10, 2004
I’m probably the thousandth person asking you for money this year. Between me and P. Diddy and Kathy Lee Gifford, you all probably want to write a check and burn it on my doorstep. I can’t say I blame you, except… this is me and that would hurt my feelings. Plus, I’m not a million dollar publicity fiend. I’m an obscure student in a sea of students in a black hole called Riverside Community College in Califas. Everyone refers to my school as the black hole because once it sucks you in you never get out. I’m asking you to help me get out.
I think if you read Narco News, we have something in common. It’s always good to start with common ground, isn’t it? I’m thinking you’re probably fed up with all the big corporate magazines and newspapers. Am I getting warm? I’m also guessing that if you read alternative publications, you’ve witnessed the heartbreak that comes when those ships sink, right? Don’t let the Narco News ship sink. I know if it does, I’ll be running around kicking my own butt for not trying hard enough and I think a handful of you might too. To be perfectly honest, when Narco News had its last financial scare, I wasn’t so much heartbroken as I was pissed.
Alternative publications that tell the other side of the story are so rare that we need to save the ones we have and contribute to their future. How else are we going to find out that we’re being made fools of and that Plan Colombia is nothing more than lungs being filled with poisons?
Even though this has been said a thousand times, if you just contribute what you can, it’ll add up.
If it’s five bucks, that’s five bucks Narco News didn’t have before. If it’s more, all the better but I don’t want to push it and make you all think I have green eyes. Five bucks is five packs of gum at the 99-cent store – chewing gum is bad for your jaw and creates excess acid in your stomach, which causes indigestion. Five bucks is a cup of fancy ass coffee – the sugar will make you nutty and you can go one day without caffeine. Five bucks is a burger that’ll harden your arteries and lead to premature death. Has anyone seen “Super Size Me?” I’m only thinking of you guys. Save your hearts, donate to Narco News.
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